Hands up if you’ve ever opened a LinkedIn DM and instantly rolled your eyes. Yep, me too. Now keep that hand up if you’ve ever sent one of those messages yourself. Ouch, right?
LinkedIn is one of the most powerful networking platforms we have. Yet the thing that’s driving people bananas right now isn’t the algorithm, or the automated comments, it’s the cringeworthy DMs. Those lazy, cut-and-paste messages that feel like they’re hunting you down instead of starting a conversation.
The truth is, DMs can be incredible when they’re done right. They can open doors, build trust, and lead to opportunities that never would have happened otherwise. Done badly, they’ll kill your credibility before you’ve even had a chance.
This article is inspired by the recent episode of the Social Media for B2B Growth Podcast hosted by Michelle J Raymond, which discusses this topic in more detail.
Why Most DMs Fail
If I had to boil it down to one word, it’s this: rushing.
Too many people connect and instantly pitch. That’s what we call the “pitch slap.” You accept someone’s connection, and boom, they’re in your inbox asking you to buy something, book a call, or download a PDF you never wanted.
Here’s what happens when you rush:
- You skip rapport building
- You don’t check if the person is even the right decision-maker
- You don’t find out if there’s a genuine opportunity
- You show zero curiosity about the human being on the other side
And the result? The person feels like they’re being hunted. That’s not networking. As Liliane Abboud says, “they can smell your desperation.”
I get that most people don’t set out to come across that way, but intent doesn’t change impact. If you rush, your message gets ignored. And after hundreds of these a week, people are over it.
The Dinner Party Analogy
I thought it might be fun to continue the analogy that Tyrona (Ty) Heath started on my podcast recently. If your LinkedIn profile is the front door and your company page is the living room, then the LinkedIn DMs are your dinner party. (Catch the episode here if you missed it.)
Imagine you’re hosting a dinner party. Your guest walks in the door. What do you do? You greet them, offer them a drink, and have some light chitchat.
Then comes the entrée (starter), a chance to get to know them a little better. Only when you’re sitting down for the main course do you go deeper into meaningful conversation.
Now imagine doing the opposite. You grab them at the door, throw dessert in their face, and push them back out again. That’s what most LinkedIn DMs feel like. Too fast, too forceful, too focused on what you want.
If you want to stand out, treat your DMs like a dinner party. Welcome, people. Build rapport and take your time.
The C.A.R.E Framework
To help you slow down, I built the C.A.R.E framework. It’s a simple way to check your message before you hit send.
- C – Context: Be upfront about why you’re reaching out. Keep it light. No life story, no hard sell. Just give the person a reason you’re in their inbox.
- A – Ask: Make the ask small. You haven’t earned the right to big favours yet. A question, a comment on their content, or something light is enough.
- R – Relatability: Find common ground. Did you notice a shared connection? A university in common? Something interesting in their content? Show you’ve done your homework.
- E – Empathy: Put yourself in their shoes. What goals, KPIs, or challenges might they be working on? Respect their time, and think about what would make this message valuable for them.
If your DM doesn’t tick these four boxes, go back and rewrite it.
Most of all SLOW DOWN!
Why Slowing Down Wins
I get it. You want leads. You’ve got targets. You’ve got a business to grow. But here’s the thing: rushing actually slows you down in the long run.
Slowing down builds trust faster. You uncover more genuine opportunities and you gain valuable market intelligence, like:
- Who they work with
- What challenges they’re facing
- When contracts are coming up for renewal
- Who else is involved in decisions
Even if the timing isn’t right today, you’ve built a foundation you can come back to later.
And this is where you can do things others won’t. While everyone else is spamming inboxes with desperate, cookie-cutter templates, you’re standing out as someone who listens, respects, and actually cares.
Your Challenge This Week
Make this the week you do things differently on LinkedIn. Time to slow down.
- If you’ve been firing off bulk DMs, stop.
- If you’ve been waiting for a “perfect” template, let it go.
- Instead, pick one or two people you genuinely want to connect with and start a conversation using the C.A.R.E framework.
Notice how different it feels. Notice how people respond. And then come and tell me on LinkedIn how it worked for you.
Final Thoughts
LinkedIn DMs aren’t the problem. It’s the way they’re being used that’s broken.
When you treat DMs as a chance to connect, not just convert, everything changes.
Be curious.
Build rapport.
Take your time.
Remember, do the things others won’t, and you’ll be the one who wins.
Want to work with me? Book a time here – https://calendly.com/michelle-j-raymond/book-an-intro-call-15mins
Cheers
Michelle J Raymond is the Founder of B2B Growth Co and has made her mark as the world’s leading authority on LinkedIn Company Pages, offering comprehensive strategies and training to brands eager to harness LinkedIn for business growth through thought leadership, content marketing or social selling techniques.
With 20+ years’ experience in B2B sales, and almost a decade of social selling on LinkedIn, Michelle stands out for her significant LinkedIn contributions as the co-author of two globally acclaimed books: “Business Gold,” the first book exclusively dedicated to LinkedIn Company Pages, and “The LinkedIn Branding Book,” and her insightful podcast Social Media for B2B Growth. Follow her YouTube channel @MichelleJRaymond for helpful how to’s.
